A Visit to the Doc

It was 29 below and the truck would barely start,

But I had this Doc's office appointment; to miss would not be smart.

I've been feeling sort of puny and my spirits down in the mouth,

It was cold as hell in Minnesota, but there's lots of flu bugs in the South.

When I got to the office, the parking lot was full,

I had to park a block away, my spirits to be dull.

The office was also packed, the magazines all old,

I couldn't find a place to sit without being by a coughing cold.

After two hours they called my name and I went up to the clerk,

She just wanted to check my insurance; I'd already missed two hours of work.

Have a seat please, you'll be called, but she didn't say just when,

I settled for a two year old magazine and hung my hat up then.

A gal in white called me in, I thought she was a nurse,

I was glad to get out of that waiting room, the coughing had gotten worse.

All she did was step me on a scale and make me pee in a beaker,

Then she put me in a little room and I was getting weaker.

Another gal came in wearing whites and a carrier full of stuff,

She was a vampire to take some blood and god that she was rough.

I don't know where she got her siphon permit; I didn't have a clue,

She should have been shoeing horses and was built like it too.

She separated me from a pint of blood that went into various vials,

She asked me if I defecated well and I said after a couple of trials.

She then told me strip off all my clothes and put on this hospital gown, '""' "

It had a front, but no back and the wind blew in from town.

After freezing twenty minutes in came a doc with a stethoscope,

He listened to my heart and lungs and looked at me with little hope.

Stick out your tongue, your temp is good, there's nothing in your ears,

He put a glove on, said bend over, this was one my greatest fears.

I don't know what he was looking for; coming in here was my mistake,

I only came to read the meter for the Electric Company's sake.

He said they'd have to run some tests for which disease to seek,

Would I perhaps mind coming back later on next week?

I told him about the meter read, it was a quick description,

He said he thought I'd be fine and handed me a prescription.

Now I'm still feeling puny and my spirits ain't risen such,

I got the old Doc's meter read and I'm going to charge him twice as much.

- Otis W. Lael -

February 3rd, 2004